Tongues

At first
I desired
a lover,
who spoke
my tongue
so we could
be closer.
But you
spoke to me
in a thousand
hidden tongues.
Clairvoyantly,
in silences,
in glances,
in touches,
in absence.
You taught me
languages,
of lovers
from the wake of dawn
in ways I will never speak
to anyone again.

Tell me,

She says,

You’re a poet

But I am not sure

Words are a weaker medium

Than bodies

Or sounds

Or night

The way you recount

Your day to me

Slowly rebraiding my hair

Carefully rolling cigarettes

Or how whispers find

Their way into 

The inner chambers

What do I tell you jaan

I am learning about poems

From you and Neruda

And the protective eyes of waitresses

Yes, learning all over again

Love takes time

So I put in time

With these poems

And poems

And time

Are great dance partners

I learned to read poems

I learned to read poems

Before books

Like I learned to drink milk

Before water

Things like milk

From a mother

And poems 

From a father

Will teach you richness

Before endurance 

DO NOT TAKE ME TOO SERIOUSLY

This is not masterly

These are margin notes

Of a girl 

Sitting in class

Not being able to pay 

Too much attention

Because she would rather

Spend her time

Thinking of you

And indulging 

In her memories

The fluttering cursive

Of an almost woman

A basic brown girl

Noting her introduction

To ishq, 

To love. 

A SADNESS HAS VEILED MY HEART

It is a soft darkness

It is a sheath

Of silk

Soft

Dark

Nonetheless

My sadness is like

Silk

It is soft

And noble

Oddly warm

And takes time

To drape

Properly

It is not effortless 

If you don’t learn

From the stories

Of others

You are unwise

But have your face caved in 

One too many times

And you will become wise

I am wise enough 

To ask you

To loan me

Your wisdom

Like borrowing an umbrella

Before getting soaked

Pneumonia 

Is expensive 

YOU ARE CRYPTIC

But I am a crypt

Sealed from myself

These poems are my chest

They are how I emerge 

They are how I emerge 

From the locks

And darkness  

And the darkness

And the darkness

But I feel sensitive to light,

It has been dark for 

A while. 

To be in love

And spend all your time

Just doing

That

Being

Loving

In love

With love

Lovely

Timely 

Untimely

Finally

Isn’t she lovely?

I don’t have to ask,

Excellence is divine 

As is balance.

-- mera piya ghar aaya, sanu allah milaaya

3 PRAYERS AND SOME BUGS

There are two prayers I have made

And then a third – 

There are the ones I see answered

This is where I look for fireflies

For moments where under trees

After maghrib

After mama yells come in the house

Because good souls shouldn’t be out in the vulnerable moment of dusk

Fireflies, lighting for a moment,

Letting you know 

of their presence

So I made a prayer and then I was sent the fireflies

Or maybe I made the prayer because I can see them

Not everyone can see them I am learning

Not everyone sees the threads that connect us

Or understands that effect is the child of cause 

First I asked for sisters

I have a mother

But then a father and 2 blood brothers

Arhum the fair one 

Yusuf the beautiful one

And then more with some blood or no blood

Or just light

And these men shaped me

In their performance

Of protection

Of humility 

But I didn’t see that then,

Just that I didn’t have sisters

Who know about what it takes

To have a soft heart

And men don’t often see fireflies 

Second 

I asked for softness

Because I sat in the masjid

And saw my mother cry for me

And I could not shed a tear for anyone

Because I did not understand

How love could be so unconditional was given sisters

And I was given softness

And now I make the third prayer

But how I can I ask for so much

Sisters that taught me how to love myself

That I deserve more

And that gold is always in

And that will do my hair

And pray for me 

And sisters who see fireflies

After the brothers did not

And I became soft

And fluid

And was given a pen

And a voice

And the blessing and curse

That sometimes when I say things

People might listen to me

And that I can cry in prayer 

At least for my grandmothers

So now I ask 

Humbly

For resilience 

I ask I stay this way

That I remain protected as I always have been

That I thrive while being tested

That I strive towards my liberation

That my liberation is always based

In the cleansing of my soul

There are two prayers I have made

And then a third – 

First for sisters, 

Then for softness

And now for resilience

And this is the firefly 

And you are all fireflies 

And maghrib has passed

And we are in this home

And you are bound to me 

Beautifully, beautifully bound to me. 

THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS BUT USHER IS PRETTIER TO LOOK AT

I may end up with white hair

But not past 30

I do not think about kids

Or money

I think I will be fine

I think ill have pleny

I hope I am wrong about my predications

But these are the things I believe for protection

10 more years isn’t a long time,

I am only 20

And this is 2015

I had to make a decision

To relinquish my life vision

To not make incisions

Only decision

That will help me breath

To not make incisions only decisions

To let the ones in my heart heal

I need to stiches to heal

Heed as I stitch my life together

Bear witness to a momentary phoenix

In a tired state of smolder

After the torching of the fire

Bear witness to a fresh page

Bear witness as I testify my oath

I swear to never forget I am mortal

To never test that mortality myself

I swear to endure the forces of this life

And like a glass blower to make art out of grit

To make sense out of senseless shit

So that we harness the fire now

And only in this life and not the next

I swear I will learn how to breathe

To let oxygen fuel fire to be a meteor 

Burn like Audre

Burn the poison from my body and sweat words

So that words pour out of my pores

So that my hardness is refined and melted

For gold

Capping teeth 

Tying knots

Filling cracks in the hearts wells

I pray these words linger just long enough to help you find

The courage I never had

And for the universe

To nod 

And say

You are protected 

Let my words pour

Let them pour like light

I want to be light

I want to be light

I want to be light

Paths

I. 

We are lucky

That we forget

Pain so

Quickly

And emerge

Golden so 

Effortlessly 

And absorb noor

Like it is our purpose.

Verily it must be

Our purpose

To find noor

And put it in the wells

In our souls

To light the way, 

verily, verily. 

II. 

Their path through

This earth

Uncompassionate

Empathetic 

on Sundays 

They leave

Lamenting 

In desperation 

Wishing they made

It to Friday

---

Salaam, I'm new. 

Thank you for having me. 

HAK xx

JOKES ABOUT SPRING AND PURGATORY AND I AM SHIVERING

You told me you have memories

 to keep you warm.

I have memories too, 

They too keep me warm.

Warmth is a miracle. 

Sparks catching fire, miracles,

Flames, miracles,

Smoke, a miracle.

It is grey and bleak outside,

Static.

We went outside for a cigarette,

And the artist said,

Look even the wind isn’t blwoing.

We said,

Look it is purgatory.

But I don’t have to believe in purgatory

When youc an say

Such things

So we joke

About spring

We joke about

How there will be

A freak warm day

And we will go to

Hungarian and

Eat a croissant outside

And try to time our arrival

With cheese puffs

Coming out of the oven

While shying away

From waitresses

I am warm with you

In your apartment

The miracle of warmth

Of warmth in a cold place

These moments replay

I watch

Indulge myself

In reliving them

By pen

To take the visceral

And for a moment

Make it tangible

So I can keep it

In my bag 

Or my pocket

the bride price

how many more nights

will the moon

twist my mother's face

constructing |  constricting

merging  |  margin

marriage |  mirage

un |  holy union

un  |  loving

un  |  masking

un  |  becoming

un  |  birthing

me.