Wednesday, May 20, 2015


I feel like lately my posts have been really intense.
So today I thought I'd post one like the ones I used to post blogyears ago [see and];

Today's post will be a cross-section analysis on the typical Political Science/Comn Studies student. Actually I lie. I will be looking at all the types I encountered and hopefully this will resonate with folks. If not, then hopefully You'll at least find this humorous. I'm going to make these accounts really specific, but I'm sure the characteristics of the people listed below will be familiar. Also all accounts are fictitious. I've blended people because I don't need any new enemies right before ramadhan. Pray for me y'all. I need prayers.

Anyway here's the list:

1. The Sexy Professor
The sexy professor is everything You ever wanted in a man except unattainable because he's not actually real. He's just incredibly brilliant and charismatic and somehow You think that will translate into an egalitarian and revolutionary domestic relationship. Your relationship with this man is likely almost identical to my relationship with Stromae. Nonexistent.
(However, it is extra fun when you are teachers pet and flirt shamelessly with Professor Sexy. It never got that formidable with Stromae. Sadtimes)
[Also maybe 90% of that sex appeal actually has to do with the fact that you are a master of course material and you're actually an egomaniac who enjoys validation. Ownit (c)]

2. The Shitty Professor
You know what? I've appreciated really racist, sexist professors BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T KNOW. And so I translated my microaggressions into endearment and moved on. Sometimes You have to do that in the real world. However, the shitty professor is arrogant and will not take critique against his ideas and is an unreasonable marker, and talks a lot of shit about other academics then your semester will be like travelling through mordor while racialized. Worst of all, he will destroy, masacre, pillage your self confidence and you're not at a fru fru Liberal Arts University for that. I don't even mind disorganized profs. I mind arrogant, snippy assholes. The part where all the racialized people were deported or killed in LOTR had to be edited out because white audiences.

3. The Model Minority
Y'all when I go to class I search, hard, with my eyes racing from corner to corner, hastily, painfully, for another [Racialized] {Hijabi}. The worst thing in the WORLD is finding yourself next to a [racialized] {hijabi} to find out her dad owns the oilsands and she actually hates communism because I don't understand why I would work hard if I wasn't going to benefit for all the effort I put in. These days I just argue with [racialized] {hijabi} because...well, why not? Life is short and boring. You can't please everyone. Please the T.A when it means participation marks. Where else do You find the mental stimulation of the classroom anyway? It just gets awkward when the cordiality transcends the classroom and the awkward hi happens in the hallways and all that jazz. Honestly though sometimes you become friends. But we'll talk about spreading the struggle to the community some other time.

4. Fake deep whiteboy sam
Okay. Let us first take a moment to THANK THE DIETIES [incl. Karl Marx bc #inclusivity] for gun control in Canada [even though really the only ones who actually needed it was the police]. Fake deep whiteboy Sam...needs to die. He understands everything about intersectionality and you know, race, gender, sexuality, trans theory. The key word here is theory. Fake deep whiteboy Sam wants to indulge everyone who, in his view, grasps intersectional race gender sexuality trans theory to the same academic and intellectual level as him. He wants to take the time to play the devils advocate for these nuanced discussions. FDWS believes in the struggle. Except for the part where he allows anyone else, including the racialized gendered t.a to say a word. Death to FDWS.

5. Tiffany
Tiffany is the white girl who will make friends with you out of convenience. Tbh I don't mind Tiffany all the time. She's neutral enough to remain friends with you even after you declare Your views which often don't co-incide with hers because to her you're not 100% human anyway to her. You're just a cute little hi ja bee and she's happy she has multicultural friends. 'friends'. But anyway she sends you notes when you need them and sits beside you and laughs at your jokes and its nice and superficial. It just gets annoying when the weight of this superficial friendship is tipped her way. Idk I'm pretty good at having it balanced and ignoring messages and coming up with sad rationales regarding why I didn't respond ("We don't have electricity in India. I take a helicopter home every night. My Dad is a famous yoga sheikh")

6. The Llllladies Man
I always seem to get tricked into believing what ladies men say. I always end up gushing and believing. But again, it's a superficial relationship, like a lot of the friendships you make in any institutional set up. In a just world, the Ladies man would have had his penis chopped off and would have been left in indentured servitude to pay for babysitters for his 17 lovechildren and would be socially stigmatized. However, at university, he is typically found with one to three women at any time, laughing, posing in pictures, having intense conversations about their personal lives. "Intense conversations about their personal lives". Because a lot of time people hate each other and just hang out because they are lonely and empty and sad and need people to fill that space up and sometimes it seems like all LMs friendships are like that. LM makes women feel important and special. He's charming. He's hot. He gets on with everyone. And he goes places because of these attributes.

7. The Style Godess
The Style Godess basically dresses like she stepped out of Vogue Hipster edt. on a student budget. SG is serious. Her outfits are usually so well put together and creative you wonder when how where FIREWORKS FIREWORKS IS THAT A RED CARPET?! Props just appear around her and rose petals just start ascending onto her at random. Sometimes you try to replicate her outfits and fail. Other times you buy her entire wardrobe and wear it forevermore but the props never seem to find themselves in your space. I thank God for the Style Godess often because I love aesthetic.

8. The Two faced slime
You can never know with the TFS. She has low self esteem and translates that into gossip gossip gossip and hate. She usually has an army behind her who somehow backs her up--for no reason at all but without them she is nobody. She expects absolute and uncritical allegiance or you're not going to be friends. On some days TFS loves you--and on others she ignores you. Often this depends on who she's chilling with. Her political views are like that too. She just restates whatever she hears people say--so long as it sounds smart--but she doesn't know what she's on about half the time. Because she's inconsistent.

9. The arrogant leader
The arrogant leader was nobody once and you were friends. However, he found power one day and that ended your friendship. He has at least 7000 facebook friends and he doesn't know half his "subordinates" but he doesn't bother either because power is an ugly thing. He ignores people when they are talking to him while absently nodding and flashing a smile and nodding and tries very hard to impress those who are more powerful then him because this man is ambitious and knows exactly how to move up. Usually he's your best friend during election time or during campaigns and he loves to have some good selfies with the people so that he looks like a man of the people. But really he's a man of the dollar $igns and that deci$ion making autonomy.

Let me think of other prototypes.
Until then thanks for reading this.
Please make duaa that I get into a masters program so I can critique more stuff for y'all.

Toodle oo.

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